Shrek 3 and a half
by JennaWrites
Summary: This story takes place after Shrek 3, but before Shrek 4. Read the first chapter to find what it's about. Also, please review!
1. Chapter 1

This movie begins with Prince Charming riding on a hobbyhorse on stage in a small run-down theater (aka, the beginning of Shrek the Third). Then the camera zooms back to reveal silhouettes of Donkey and Puss in Boots, sitting in theater seats in a movie theater.

"Man, do I love this movie. In fact, I love all of the Shrek movies! 1, 2, and 3!" exclaimed Donkey happily.

"Sí my furry, quadruped friend. This movie is probably one of the finest. Especially when I'm in sword fight scenes," Puss said agreeing.

"Ya know Puss. I can't wait 'till Shrek 4 comes out! Ya'll know when that movie comes out?" Donkey asked Puss curiously.

"Hmm…" Puss said as he hesitated, "I believe in… 2010."

"What?!" Donkey shouted in shock, "That can't be! Aw man! I can't believe we have to wait another three years!"

"Well, what can I do? I'm just a Hispanic, sword wielding, kitty-cat! Tell that to the directors!" Puss exclaimed.

"I know. But still, 2010?! Man, this is gonna be a _looooooooong_ three years!" Donkey groaned.

Then suddenly we hear a door opening and closing, which echoes in the theater. Then we hear someone walking in the theater.

"What the…?" Donkey said confused.

"Who's there?!" Puss demanded fiercely, as he jumps out of his seat, grabbing out his sword.

We see another silhouette (which appears to be a dog) walking in the theater, plopping onto a seat, watching the movie.

"What a sec…? Who are you?!" Donkey exclaimed baffled.

The figure turns to Donkey and Puss, and it replies sarcastically (in the voice of Jack Black), "I'm Goldilocks. Who the heck do you think I am?! I'm Otis!" (A/N: If you want to know, I spoofed off that quote from "Death is a Bitch" from Family Guy)

"Otis?! Is that you?!" Donkey exclaimed in disbelief, "I thought you went on your journey. Man, Shrek, Fiona, Puss, the others, and I missed you! Give us some love!"

As Donkey hugged Otis, he grabbed the remote from him saying, "Yoink!"

"Hey!" Donkey said angrily.

Then Otis uses the remote to fast forward the movie.

"Uh, Senor Otis? What are you doing?" Puss asked confused.

"Will ya guys chill. I'm fast forwarding to the part when I come in," Otis replied smoothly.

"But you're not even in this movie," Puss stated.

"Ya, and you can't go out of order," Donkey added.

"Well guys, I some news for you. _I_ got the remote," Otis declared.

"But everyone's gonna be confused!" Donkey said, "We gotta go back to the beginning of the story!"

Donkey snatches the remote Otis and rewinds the movie to the beginning.

"I'm not in the beginning of the story!" Otis exclaimed as he grabbed the remote from Donkey, and fast-forwards it again.

"No, you're not. But does it have to be about you?" Donkey said as grabbed the remote from Otis and rewinds the film, "Also, you're in NEITHER of the Shrek films!"

Otis snatches the remote back and lifts it in the air so Donkey can't get it, as he fast-forwards, and says, "Yes I was! In the sequel!"

Then from nowhere, Puss leaps from behind Otis and grabs the remote, and rewinds as he says, "You're not in Shrek 4."

Once again Otis snatches the remote and fast- forwards, saying, "No! Not the fourth! The one before that!"

"Ya, but they don't know that!" Donkey says as he points at the audience, as Puss grabs the remote from Otis, and rewinds.

"Well why don't we go on forward, to the film I'm in," Otis says as he grabs the remote and fast-forwards.

Then suddenly the film pauses to a scene showing Captain Hook and his crew with evil faces. This immediately scares Donkey, causing him to yell and jump on Otis, causing them to fall to the ground.

Then we see the two rising, with a smiling Donkey, exclaiming, "Hey! I got an idea! Why don't we go on forward, to the film that you're in!"

"Wait a sec? I just said--" Otis said.

"A big sneak peek of this lost sequel. Take them to see the grand sequel, with the lost story, and the lost character," Donkey said proudly.

"Sí. Because what they don't know, that Otis even existed in the world of Shrek, even though did, though they didn't know," Puss explained.

"Couldn't said it better myself," Otis replied as he grabbed the remote from on the ground as he fast- forwarded.

We see the movie fast- forward in great speed, as Donkey asks happily, "So does this mean we're going forward to the end?"

"Oh no, Donkey. No," replied Otis, "We're WAY forward. To _after_ the end."

The movie screen then as a title appear, "Shrek 4".

"Wait! Wait! Hold on a minute!" Otis says as he walks on the screen, "Four? What's with the four? Oh no, no, NO freakin' way!"

As Otis pulls of the four, he says, "The four, has, got to go!"

"Otis we can't use three! There's already been a three!" Donkey states.

"Hmm, you do have a point. It isn't exactly three, but it's not exactly four," Otis says, then he starts thinking and asks, "What are we going to call this movie?"

"Well, while you're thinking, let's eat!" Donkey exclaims as he pulls out a chocolate cupcake, and asks Otis, "Want some Otis?"

"No thanks. I get sick from eating chocolate," Otis says as he continues on thinking.

"Okay. It's you're loss," Donkey replies then turns to Puss, "Want to split this in half?"

Suddenly, Otis' eyes widen when Donkey says _half_. Then he exclaims, "That's it! Donkey you're a genius!"

From his back, Otis grabs a paint pallet and starts painting the title. When finished, he steps back revealing the title to be, "Shrek 3 ½ ".

"There, now that's what I call a blockbuster title!" Otis exclaims as he marvels at the title.

"Shall we continue with the movie," Donkey asks.

"That would be great, thank you," Otis says as jumps back in the audience and plays the movie.

**A/N: So what do you think so far? I you think it's good; I'll REALLY appreciate it if you reviewed. Also I don't own Shrek. Dreamworks does. The only thing I own is Otis. Also if you're curious about him, you'll learn A LOT more about him, later in this story. Also please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

The movie starts out in a dark, stormy night, at a mysterious area outside, where it pouring rain. We see two figures, a man and a woman, hiding in the bushes, peeking at a building. The building was a HUGE brick building, searchlights all around, guards were at every turn, and it had a big wall surrounding it. Next to the building was a sign that said, "Ye Old Maximum Security Dog Pound".

The man turns to the woman, asking unsure (voice of John Lithgow), "Are you sure this is the mutt we're looking for. He doesn't look like stealthiest dog in the world."

The man grabs out a file photo showing a dog pick pocketing from a man with his mouth. It shows the dog smiling sheepishly at the photo, which was ironically, looking at the person who took the picture.

The dog was a male, with a black bandana around his neck. He was very furry, but not a sheep dog furry. A wild furry. He was also very lean (you could even see his ribs a little). He looked a little bit like a collie with a collie-like muzzle, with tiny whiskers.

His back was gray, from the top of his muzzle, leading to the end of his tail. From his muzzle and most of his face, to his belly. Plus the tip of his tail was white and his two front paws. Also in between the gray and white fur, was a brownish tan fur in the middle, covering most of his body, his legs, and the bottom of his tail.

Also one of his gray ears was folded down (which had a silver earring on), while the other was folded up. Plus, his two front legs' elbows with had a LOT of fur on them like a collie.

Then, there were the "other" features. If you noticed he had _pretty_ big paws, for pretty lean legs. Also his eyes were yellow, with deep brown irises. He also had a _very_ bushy tail. Also the ear that stood up looked pretty big, and unique. Did I also mention he had wild, _not so_ groomed fur. Also he had a lean, black nose that stood out (he'd make a pretty good tracking hound). And the final feature was his big, sharp, gruesome teeth (which had a tint of yellow) you see in his smile. Those "other" features almost looked like it'd come from… a wolf.

Groaning, the woman replied (voice of Jennifer Saunders), "Of course it's this mutt! If you look at his profile, you can see he got away with a lot of robberies. He stole from grocers, shopkeepers, the elderly, … oh, you get the BLOODY idea! He's our only hope for our revenge!"

The man scrolled through the dog's profile.

"Well, I don't see why he would be in a maximum security dog pound, with a death sentence, just by stea…" the man stated puzzled, then his eyes widened, and said, "Wait… he killed… a sheep."

The smacked her hand in her face, groaning, "You idiot! That's what the other people think! Though he didn't really do it! I did it! Then I framed him!"

"Wait, wait, wait. YOU framed him, so he'd be put in the pound, and we're _rescuing_ him. We could have not framed him, and could of just walked up to him and--" the man said sounding peeved off.

"Hey!" the woman snapped at the man, "I know what I'm doing! It would be completely brainless; if we just walked up to him and told him we needed him! He wouldn't agree! But if we _rescued_ him from the pound, he'll--"

Then sirens interrupted the woman. The two turn to see searchlights going off and guards running all over the place.

"PRISON BREAK!! This is not a drill! A prisoner's escaping! Let's go! Move! Move! Move!" a guard shouted at the over guards.

Outside the building, we see the dog from the file photo (except he has a cuff on his right ankle), struggling from out a hole he dug from inside the prison. After getting out, the dog dashes across the mud, which caused him to slide, making him go faster. Dodging arrows that the guards were shooting at him, the scrawny mutt slide to the chain link fence, and started to dig under it. After digging out, the dog dashes as fast as he can from the guards, at great speed. After getting far ahead of them, the lean dog stopped in front of the bush (where the man and woman were) and started wheezing desperately.

As he did he assured him self, still wheezing, "Okay, okay. Calm down Otis. Calm down. Just in case if they catch me, I'll say this. Okay, guys. I _might have_, _accidentally_, put some pills in the guard's liquor bottle. Another amazing thing is, that he dropped his axe, all drugged up! Also I picked up the axe to give it back to him, but you know what? You're gonna laugh at this! I got "butter paws" and _accidentally_ dropped it, breaking my cuff! And another incredible thing, I picked up the keys and I _accidentally_ unlocked the door! Then, I find myself running away from you! Isn't that funny! So I hope you can understand that… ohhhhhhh! I'm SO screwed!"

Then the man and woman grab Otis, pulling him into the bushes. The guards then come running were Otis was. After a minute of looking, they give up and walk away.

Otis sighs and relief and turns around, "Man that was a MAJOR relief! Phew! For one second, I thought I'd be dead there!"

Then Otis gasps to see the man and woman.

"It's okay… wolf dog. We're here to help," the woman assures menacingly.

"Wait. How'd you know that I was--" Otis exclaimed surprised.

"Let's forget about that," the man said cutting off Otis, and says in a sinister way, "Why don't we make a deal. We'll hide you're criminal record, if _you_ do us a favor. It isn't much really."

Otis hesitates for a moment to think. Then he starts to like the idea, and starts to smile impishly. Then he asks, "What'd you want me to do?"

* * *

Now the movie pauses, and we back up to see the silhouettes of Donkey, Puss, and Otis. 

"So you what do think so far? Do I look dangerous?" Otis asks to the audience acting cool, "Oh, and kids. Don't think I'm one of those dangerous criminals. I'm safe and honest as O.J. Simpson."

"Hmm. I don't know about you two, but that man and woman sound _very_ familiar," Donkey says suspicious.

"I don't recognize that senor. Though I did kind of recognize that voice of that senora. Or maybe it's that catnip I had," Puss states, then turns at the audience embarrassed, asking, "Did you hear that?"

"Well any way, please review!" Donkey exclaims to the audience.


	3. Chapter 3

We now go to Shrek's swamp in the late morning. We see our favorite, big, lovable ogre, Shrek (shirtless with only shorts on, wearing sunglasses), lying on a beach chair, tanning his green skin on that hot summer day. While the ogre triplets happily played in a gooey mud puddle, gleefully laughing as they played.

Meanwhile, in Shrek's mind, "_Aahhhhhh.What I nice day in my mossy, putrid, vermin infested swamp. Just me, Fiona, and the kids relaxing on this hot day just us. No angry mobs. No fairytale creatures. And most importantly, no…_"

Then unexpectedly, Donkey pops in front of Shrek's face, happily greeting with a wide smile, "Mornin' Shrek!"

"DONKEY!!!" Shrek angrily exclaims.

"Hola boss," Puss in Boots friendly greeted as he walked in the scene.

"Puss!?!" Shrek shouted confused, "What in the world are you two doing here?!"

"We're here to get ready for our trip," Donkey replied.

"Trip?" Shrek repeated baffled.

Shrek then studies what Donkey and Puss were wearing. He saw that Donkey was wearing a fishing hat (with fishing hooks on it) and was carrying toolboxes. As for Puss, he carried three fishing poles and was carrying a bag of bait.

"Boss? Did you forget about our fishing trip today?" Puss asked curiously.

"Fishing trip?" Shrek repeated surprised.

Shrek glances through the window of his house, seeing a calendar. On July 8th (which happened to be that day) it'd said "Big Fishing Trip" with a drawing of Shrek, Donkey, and Puss with fishing poles.

"Uh oh," Shrek muttered anxiously, with his ears wilting down, nervously.

"Don't be ridiculous Puss! Of course Shrek remembered out the fishing trip! We've been planning for months now," Donkey assured Puss.

Then Donkey trots behind Shrek's chair and pushes it, causing Shrek to fall off, and Donkey urges, "Now c'mon lazy bones! Get up! Get dressed! Pack up! And lets go!"

As Shrek got up, he angrily growled warningly, "Donkey…"

"C'mon Shrek! I have a feeling we'll catch a big mackerel this time! My donkey senses are tingling!" Donkey exclaims confidently.

As Donkey keeps jabbering about the trip to Shrek, Puss glances over at the triplets. The babies become _very_ happy when they see him, they clap their hands and squeal delightfully, "Kitty!"

"Uh oh," Puss says nervously.

Puss then starts to slowly back away, then shrinks down to all fours, and crawls away to avoid the ogre babies. Though it was too late! One of them grabbed Puss by the tail, and drags the poor cat into the mud puddle, along with them. The triplets squeeze him, pat him roughly, and dunk the poor kitty-cat the mud!

"HELP!!!" Puss yowls desperately as he coughs up some mud.

"Donkey! Listen!" Shrek shouts angrily

Donkey was quite surprised when Shrek yelled like that. Then Shrek takes a deep breath and says, "Look, it's pretty nice of you to invite me to the trip you and Puss arranged. But… I don't think I can…"

Then out of the swamp house, comes Fiona bursting joyfully out the door with an ice-cold pitcher of lemonade and cups.

"Who wants lemonade!?!" Fiona cheerfully asks.

Donkey turns and jumps up and down desperately shouting, "Ooh! ME!"

After when Fiona brings some lemonade to Donkey, Fiona turns to her babies and Puss in the mud. She couldn't help to giggle, as she walks up to her children, saying, "I see you're having fun with your Uncle Puss."

Puss finally escaping crawls up to Fiona, completely muddy, fur mussed, coughing up some mud.

"They're… little angels," Puss said with a forged grin, trying to keep Fiona happy.

Then movie pauses, and it zooms to the silhouettes of Donkey, Puss, and Otis. We see Otis snickering, and his paw over his mouth, to prevent him from laughing. Though it was too much for the mutt! He then bursts in miraculous laughter, and falls out of seat, pounding his paws on the ground.

"Uncle Puss?!" Otis exclaims while laughing, "Also look at you! Your like those furry toy trolls!"

Puss glares at the dog and says sarcastically, "Ha, ha. Very funny."

Then the cat grabs the remote from Otis, and plays the movie again.

"Would you like some lemonade Puss?" Fiona asked nicely.

"Phew, gracias princess," Puss thanked exhaustedly accepting the lemonade.

As Puss was about to drink it, he saw something in the lemonade. He saw something transparent, and cubed. It was an… ice cube. It amazed Puss was in buoyed frequently in the yellow liquid. It amazed him so much, his pupils turn HUGE, and he slowly grabs the ice cube from the drink. After grabbing it, an ice cold feeling stabbed in Puss's paw, causing him to immediately drop it on the ground. It surprised the cat that the cube was still in its shape. He immediately drops to ground, batting it.

Meanwhile, Fiona walks over to her husband with the pitcher, and greets, "Good morning Honey."

"Morning Fiona," Shrek replied, as got up from the ground, with a smile, starting to feel better.

After the two kissed, Fiona asked, "Would you like a…?"

"Phew, thanks," Shrek thanked exhaustedly as he grabbed the whole pitcher, and chugged it in three seconds.

Seeing how much lemonade he drank in a short time, Fiona could sense that her husband was tense.

"Uh, Shrek… are you alright?" Fiona asked puzzled.

"Of course I'm fine. I'm…" Shrek replies, then he turns back to Donkey and Puss, then he sighs, "I'm doomed."

At first, Fiona didn't understand what Shrek meant, but after several seconds of thinking, she asks, "Shrek, don't say you forget about the big fishing trip?"

"What… even _you_ remember it?" Shrek asked in disbelief.

"Well, yeah. Donkey's been talking about for months, _non-stop_," Fiona states, "Shrek, if you break your promise, Donkey will be hurt, and you know how sensitive he is."

Shrek sighs distressed, "I know, but I just remembered! I can't just suddenly go on this big fishing trip, just to please my clueless friends! I had this whole day planned of relaxation."

"But Shrek…" Fiona said, then she sighed deeply, then smiled, "Look, if you go on this fishing trip, _and_ if you catch us a big fish for dinner tonight, I'll bake you my famous…"

Then Fiona leans over to Shrek's ear and whispers elusively, "Banana Slug Cream Pie."

When the word "Banana Slug Cream Pie" echoed all around Shrek's green, tubular ear, Shrek's eyes are wide open, and saliva was building up in his mouth like a newly made dam. As he stared into space, he could see the banana slug cream pie right in front of him. With it creamy, yellow cream gleaming in the sunlight, and with the slugs desperately trying to escape from inside pie, Shrek was about to bite into it. Then Shrek immediately opens his eyes to see that he was going to bite into nothing, but air. He then turns to his ogre wife Fiona, and smiles sheepishly.

As Donkey and Puss talk to each other, a large shadow covers the two. The twosome turn to see Shrek grinning, with a fishing hat, a fishing vest, a hook/bait box, and a fishing pole, he then asks, "Who wants to go fishing?"

* * *

Then fishing music plays in the background, (**A/N: I don't know any fishing music, so use your imaginations.**) and the scene switches to Shrek, Donkey, and Puss walking up to a shore of a beautiful, crystal clear lake (with an old, rustic wooden dock), with a wooden sign that says "Welcome to Catfish Lake".

Shrek then drops his fishing pole and his hook/bait box, and then breathes in deeply with a his big nose, and breathes out loudly and contently, letting the aroma of the smelly lake, get into his nose.

Then the three walks onto the dock, then Shrek and Donkey prepare their fishing poles. However, Puss wanted to fish "The Old Fashion Way", by using his own wee, little kitty paws. He leans over to the edge and attempts to swipe a fish in the water.

Meanwhile, when Shrek and Donkey got their poles ready, the two were ready to cast. When Donkey held his pole back ready to cast, the hook got attached to one of Shrek's leather shoes. Then when Donkey uses all his might to cast his pole into the water, Shrek then suddenly leans over surprised and falls off, from the force of Donkey's cast of the pole. Also because of the sudden surprise, Puss immediately falls in shrieking like the cat he is, while leaning over trying to catch a fish.

Because of the surprise, Donkey then drops his pole into the water, and stares down baffled. Afterward, following a couple of seconds later, Shrek submerges from the water, soaked wet, and slightly glaring at Donkey. Also, we find Puss, with his fur mussed and wet, clinging for life with his sharp claws, onto the ogre's head, completely petrified, as he fear is being in water. Donkey stares blankly at the two for a while, then smiles sheepishly and chuckles nervously.

Later, the three are back on the dock still fishing, although this time, Shrek and Donkey had safely cast their poles into the lake. As Puss still is trying to catch a fish with his paws, Shrek and Donkey lazily wait for a tug on their poles. Being in complete boredom, Donkey starts to make popping noises with his mouth, like he did during the _long_ trip to Far Far Away. Shrek and Puss then start noticing it, and start to get aggravated from the donkey's annoyance. Then after hearing him for a minute, Shrek then groans and glares at Donkey, and was about to strangle him. Then suddenly, Shrek's pole is starting to tug. Three turn to see this, making Donkey stop. Shrek then instantly grabs the pole and attempts to reel in the fish with all his might. After a long struggle of reeling in the fish, the fish flies in the air, and was about to let go. However, then Puss swipes at the fish, slapping the fish onto the dock, wriggling desperately when on land.

Shrek then turns to Puss smiling, and pats the cat on the head. Then Shrek proudly picks up the large catfish (which was about long as his arm), and the threesome cheer from their achievement.

* * *

Later we see Shrek (who's carrying the fish), Donkey, and Puss walking through the very, exact same woods where Shrek and Donkey first met. While walking, the three were laughing from the fun time they had at the lake.

"Man, Shrek. You were amazing back there!" Donkey exclaims impressed, "When you were reeling in that fish, it was like 'You ain't gonna take me alive!'. And you like 'Oh yes I am!'"

"Uh Donkey…" Shrek says interrupting.

"And it's like 'No you ain't!' And you like 'Yeah I am!' and…" Donkey said still continuing.

"DONKEY!!!" Shrek and Puss yelled, annoyed from Donkey.

"Well you get the point," Donkey replies, "But still you were great!"

"Yeah. I have to admit too boss, you were, well, as people say where I come from, fantástico!" Puss says agreeing.

"Well, thanks guys," Shrek says honored, "Still, I wouldn't have caught it if it weren't for Puss's bold hit that got us this fish."

Shrek then nudges Puss, smiling broadly.

"Hey Shrek, you are right! Puss did save the fish!" Donkey declares in realization, "Hooray for Puss!"

"Aw, shucks amigos," Puss says humbly, "De nada."

"Mmm. I can't wait to get some of that fish in my mouth tonight!" Donkey says excitedly, with his mouthing watering.

"And I can't wait to get 'Fiona's Famous Banana Slug Cream Pie'!" Shrek declares happily, drooling a bit having that vision of the pie again.

As the three continuing walking and talking, through the bushes we see two yellow eyes, ominously glaring at the group, growling quietly.

* * *

Then suddenly the movie pauses, and Otis appears in front of the screen, and says, "Uh hi. Just want to let you know, that's me."

Otis then grabs a red marker and draws a circle on the screen.

"Me, the good guy. It may seem I'm a bad guy at the beginning, though I'm not really," Otis explains.

Then having an urge, Otis then draws a mustache on the figure, and snickers.

"Otis! How many times do we gotta say this!" Donkey yells angrily.

"No, drawing on the screen!" Puss chides crossly at Otis.

"Geez, sorry guys," Otis apologized in annoyance and hops back down into his seat, and plays the movie.

"Please review," Puss mumbled.


	4. Chapter 4

As the happy threesome walked through the forest, a mysterious growl is, let out. Puss instantly freezes and his ears move around. Then Puss's pupils shrink and his eyes widen in terror, realizing what type of creature that mad that growl, probably was. The scared pussycat glanced around nervously, and while glancing around he gasps in fright what he sees. He sees evil, yellow eyes, glaring in the bushes, directly focused at him! This immediately caused Puss the dash after Shrek and Donkey. While running, he says in a fretfully, scared tone, "Uh, amigos… amigos! Boss! Donkey! Guys! Guys! Donkey! SHREK!!!"

Shrek and Donkey then turn around from all of Puss's yelling. Shrek hollers irritated for the cat, shouting relentlessly, "WHAT!?! What is it?!"

"It's a grande-sized… s-scary… loco, beast do---" Puss stammered in fear as he points to the bush where he saw the creature. Though before Puss could even finish, he stopped talking. The creature wasn't in the bushes anymore. Shrek and Donkey then look back at Puss, with a puzzled and "Is he crazy?" face.

"Um, Puss… all you alright man?" Donkey asked a little concerned for his feline friend.

"Nonsense Puss! You're imagining things!" Shrek claims, not believing any word that Puss said.

"B-but, it was there!" Puss exclaims sincerely, as his two friends turn around and continue walking.

Then the frightened kitty cat turns around to see the beast appearing in the bushes again! Puss shrieks and exclaims to Shrek and Donkey, "Ay carumba! There it is again! Boss! Donkey! Amigos! HELP!!!"

Shrek then suddenly turns around angrily, storms up, glaring at the terrified Puss, picks him up by the scruff, and yells peeved off, "Dumb cat! Just---"

However, before the irate ogre could finish his sentence, a huge ball of fur darts into Shrek roughly to the ground. Seconds later, Shrek slowly opens his eyes, feeling a sharp pain on his head. He looks up to find Puss on top of his head, desperately clinging on tight with his sharp claws, looking completely petrified, staring at something on Shrek's chest. Confused, Shrek slowly glances down to see a big, lean, furry dog on his chest, barking happily. If you guessed right, it's Otis! Otis then snickers, seeing how terrified Puss was of him.

"Well, well, well. What have we here," Otis asks with a smirk, "A Hispanic, sword-wielding pussycat! Oh ho ho! This is _way _too precious!"

Otis then starts laughing hysterically, falling on his back, and falling off Shrek. Shrek slowly gets up confused about what just happened. Donkey stood there confused too. As for Puss, he slowly and quietly slinks away in fear.

When Otis finally stops laughing, he notices Puss is creeping away. He then grabs the cat by the tail and says, "Whoa, hold on bud. I'm not finished with you yet."

"Hold Puss! I'll save ya!" Donkey shouts urgently, as he lifts his hind legs, about to kick Otis.

Though before Donkey could kick, Shrek stops him and assures, "Hold on Donkey. He's just a mangy mongrel. Maybe we can reason with it." Shrek then backs up, kneels down, and whistles.

"Here boy. (Whistle) Come here. (Whistle)," Shrek says calmly motioning to the mutt; he then finds a stick on the ground and grabs it, "Hey. See the stick. Do you want the stick boy? Go get it!"

Shrek then throws the stick several yards away, hoping Otis would go after it, leaving the three. Nonetheless, Otis disregarded Shrek, and was slowly approaching the horrified Puss.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty," Otis evilly snickered, beckoning to Puss.

Puss stands there petrified, then instantly dashes away towards Shrek, on four legs. He then leaps up Shrek's shirt. Shrek screams in surprise. Donkey then starts panicking. Otis then once again lunges into Shrek, after Puss! When Shrek falls flat on the ground, Puss is running around allover his shirt, while Otis was trying to grab him. Finally, Otis grabs Puss, and drags him out from Shrek's shirt collar. The mutt then pulls the incredibly scared cat up into his face and simply says, "Fine. If you want to play it this way, then so be it."

He then tosses Puss away, and when Puss lands on the ground, (because cats can land on their feet) he scurries away on all fours. Otis then howls loudly and jumps off of Shrek, and runs after Puss. Then he stops and sings:

**Otis: **_**What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!  
What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!**_

As Otis waltzes around singing, he glances around the forest, looking for Puss.He then sees a striped orange tail hanging down in front of him. He looks up to see Puss on a tree branch, staring at Otis with fear.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat  
I've got flowers  
And lots of hours  
To spend with you._**

Smirking evilly, he jumps up and pulls the branch with his mouth. Then he lets go, causing Puss to flying the air, shrieking the cat he is.  
**_So go and powder your cute little pussycat nose!_**

Thankfully, Puss lands on top of Donkey's back. Otis then waltzes up to the two, grinning broadly, as Donkey and Puss look at him scared.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat  
I love you_**

Puss then jumps off of Donkey, running away. However, Otis does an impressive leap over Donkey with his long, lean legs, jumping in front of Puss's way.  
**_Yes, I do!_**

**_You and your pussycat nose!_**

Puss then dashes under the dog's legs and hides behind Shrek, cowering in fear. Otis approaches them.

_**What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!**_

Shrek then grabs Otis' whole body, but then he slides out of the ogre's grasp, and charges after Puss.  
**_What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!_**

This time we see Otis creeping by a hollow log, scornfully smirking towards the inside. He then jumps in front of the opening, puts his paw in and grabs out Puss.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat  
You're so thrilling  
And I'm so willing  
To care for you._**

Puss then jumps from Otis' grasp and jumps on top of the log. Otis jumps onto it too, and then it starts rolling down a hill. The two run on top of the log, with Otis chasing Puss.  
**_So go and make up your cute little pussycat eyes!_**

While Shrek and Donkey stand there confused, they turn around to see the rolling down, towards them! They desperately run for there lives like Indiana Jones. Nevertheless, the log knocks the two on the ground.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat  
I love you  
_**When the log crashes and stops, Otis looks down through the hollow inside of the log to find Puss. The cat has his hat in his paws, and doing, his famous, big, ADORABLE Puss in Boots eyes, attempting to thwart Otis from torturing him anymore! Unfortunately, Otis covers his eyes with one paw, and grabs Puss with the other.

**_Yes, I do!  
You and your pussycat eyes!_**

Now we see Otis once again chasing Puss, but this time, through the bushes and shrubs.

**_What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!  
What's new pussycat? Wo-o-o-oah, Woah!_**

While running, Otis thinks about a "Cat Pot Pie" with finely baked pie, with a cat's head sticking out of it. This makes him drool uncontrollably.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat  
You're delicious  
And if my wishes  
Can all come true_**

This scaring Puss, he dashes away faster, into a cave so he can hide.  
**_I'll soon be kissing your sweet little pussycat lips!_**

Seeing that he's alone, Puss sighs in relief. Then when he turns around, he gasps in horror to see a HUGE, scary boar sleeping in the cave. Nervously, he slowly backs away from the cave. When exits to cave, he turns around to see Otis sitting, waiting patiently for the cat. Puss dashes past Otis, causing Otis to pursue him again.

**_Pussycat, Pussycat_**

**_I love you  
Yes, I do!  
You and your pussycat lips!_**

Some female birds singers appear from nowhere and sing:

**_Birds: Whoa, Whoa!_**

While running, the two run across a log over a pond with a rock blocking the other end. This causes Puss to stop immediately. Otis then slowly approaches the terrified Puss, evilly snickering.  
**_Otis: You and your pussycat eyes!_**

**_Birds: Whoa, Whoa!_**

Otis then suddenly snatches Puss with his mouth, and shakes his body rapidly, as if a chew toy. Then finally, he tosses the poor cat in the high air, with Puss cat shrieking.  
**_Otis: You and your pussycat… no-o-o-o-o-o-ose!_**

Then Otis lets out a long howl.

**_Aaaaroooooooooooooo!!!_**

Otis then does a pose after finishing his singing. Then he faces Shrek and Donkey, saying, "Might be some wrong words in there, but I pretty much nailed it."

Then we see Puss land in the water, with a big, loud splash, still cat shrieking.

Shrek was glaring angrily, and his face was steaming red like a freshly baked potato. He angrily growls to himself, "Grr… I kill that dumb mutt!"

As for Donkey, he was cheering and clapping, "Woo! Yeah! Encore! Encore! En---" though he stops, seeing that Shrek is glaring at him, "But seriously man, can you sing 'Disco Inferno'?"

Then Puss quickly surfaces from the water, shivering and completely soaked wet.

Otis snickers at the wet cat greedily, and exclaims, "And I thought cats don't like water! Then again, he had been a dirty wittle putty-tat."

Otis then laughs a little after his comment.

That done it! Puss had enough of Otis' antics and was tired of running! He then hisses at the dog angrily, "What?! That is it! You, perro, are terminado!"

Puss then angrily dashes up to the log and attempts leap up at Otis. However, Puss failed to reach to Otis, but he managed to grip onto the log. The cat then desperately tries to climb up to Otis, to rip him apart with his kitty claws!

"Oh come on! Come on!" Otis exclaimed, mockingly urging Puss to climb up to him. Though, Puss fails and falls into the pond again.

"Ooh! So close!" Otis comments scathingly.

However, Puss wasn't ready to give up! He unsheathed his little sword and throws it very hard, aiming towards Otis. Drops on his back laughing historically seeing what Puss did, causing the sword to miss him, but towards Donkey! Donkey screams and thankfully dodges away from it, at the nick of time.

Then when Otis finally stops laughing, he turns back to Puss and says, "Well it was nice playing with ya, Zorro."

Otis then gets up and was about to walk away, when he realized something and turned back to the three, "Uh, I'm sorry, where are my manners. Name's Otis. Full name: Otis 'Hey! Shoo! Shoo! Get outta here you mangy mutt!'"

Donkey couldn't help to giggle a little. As for Shrek he rolls his eyes in annoyance and replies sarcastically, "Nice to meet you."

Otis then sniffs the air and looks to see the fish in Shrek's arm. With saliva building up in his mouth, he says, "Mmmm, that looks like one tasty mackerel got there. You don't mind after all the trouble I cause if, you'd share it with me?"

"First off 'Otis', it's a catfish. Second off, NO!!!" Shrek angrily exclaims.

"You tell him Boss!" Puss says angrily agreeing as he walks out of the pond, squeezing the water out of his fine hat.

"Oh come on! Wouldn't you want to help a big, lovable doggie?" Otis says with big eyes and doing the puppy lip.

After several seconds of staring at Puss with serious faces, Shrek and Puss exclaim, "No!"

Then Otis lowers his head, acting sad, turns around, walking away, and replying sadly, "Fine. You go, enjoying your delicious, filling meal. In your nice, warm, sheltered home. With a big, happy family. While I, Otis, walk away, into the cold, hungry, lonely, cruel unknown, waiting to drop dead, be picked up by dog catchers, and being put in a cage, never seeing the light of day again… all alone."

Then, the mutt starts doing some pretend sobs, trying to get the three touched by his sob story. For the gullible Donkey, it did work. The emotional donkey starting sniffling, and said, "Man, that's so sad."

As for Shrek and Puss, they rolled their eyes in annoyance, not believing a word from Otis.

"Ay carumba…" Puss mumbled shaking his head, not believing what Otis is trying to do.

Having enough of watching the dog, Shrek murmurs to his friends, "Come on. Let's go. It's not worth watching this pathetic flea bag."

As the three walk away, it seemed that Otis lost his balance and fell of the log into the pond, causing a big splash in water. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss instantly turn around when they hear the splash, and run towards the pond to see what happened. The trio looks at the surface of the water, only to see ripples, repeating circular expansions, and the air bubbles blowing and popping. However, several seconds later we see Otis rise from the surface quickly. He then grimaces and grabs his front right leg, and groans, "Owwwww!!! My leg! Aahhhhh!!!"

"You okay?" Donkey asks in concern, walking up to him.

"No," Otis groaned, "I really thrashed my leg against a rock at the bottom! Ooh, big time."

"Do ya'll need any help?" Donkey asks generously, "You can come with us."

"Donkey!" Shrek and Puss scold angrily at Donkey.

"No, no. I'll be slowing you guys down and causing you more trouble," Otis insists, acting humble.

Then the dog weakly and slowly gets up, and gradually, yet wobbly limps away from the group, saying sadly, "Well, I guess like I said back there when I was about to leave, I best be going now. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good bye."

Donkey frowns quite sadly as the "poor dog" limped away into the unknowns of the dark, cruel world.

Then we hear Puss humming the tune "So Long, Farewell".

"Puss!" Donkey scolds at the cat in utter disgust, and then he turns to Shrek asking, "Shrek can't we---?"

"No," Shrek simply replied frowning.

"Oh come Shrek! He's just a poor doggie all alone in the big, cruel world trying to get a happy, loving family!" Donkey insisted.

"Uh, excuse Señor Donkey. I believe you forgot what that 'poor doggie' did to me," Puss corrected Donkey, then yells angrily, "_THAT_, MANGY MUTT, STALKED ME, ATTACKED ME, CHASED ME, HULMILULATED ME, AND CHEWED ME UP AS IF I WERE A FORGETTON, ROADSIDE PIÑATA!!! _AND _YOU EXPECT ME TO WELCOME HIM AS OUR FRIENDS!?!"

"Oh come on Puss! He was obviously playing with you! That what dogs do!" Donkey assures the peeved off kitty-cat.

"Playing with me?! You gotta be kiddi--" Puss hisses back in disbelief.

"Okay, he isn't perfect, but when you think about it, no one is!" Donkey lectures to Shrek and Puss, "C'mon guys. Shrek, when we first met, I bet you thought I was an annoying, loudmouthed jackass! But now, you love me and think I'm the most perfect friend in the world without any flaws, right?"

"Uhhhh…" Shrek says hesitating unsure looking at Donkey. Shrek became close, good friends with Donkey with all the adventures they had, but he still thought he was annoying as hell to him! Though to please Donkey, he replies, "Yeah… I guess that's true."

"Mmm-hmm. Exactly what I mean," Donkey states proving his point, "Now don't you think you should give Otis a chance to be our friend?"

Shrek then pauses to think after those very words Donkey said. He then turns back to Otis who is still slowly limping away. Shrek frustratingly thinks what to do he starts groaning. Then to persuade the stressed ogre, Puss takes off his eyes and makes his famous, CUTE, "Puss in Boots Eyes"!

Shrek then groans loudly, and plops down on a stone to sit on and think, trying to avoid Donkey's stern face, and Puss's ADORABLE face. Then he faces the two, and sighs frustratingly, "Look! I---"

Then he ignores Puss's face again, but this time, focuses on Donkey's face. He then turns back to Otis, who is still limping away. After a hesitation of thinking, he groans and says, "Fine! He can stay with us for a while!"

Otis then stops, and glances back smirking devilishly. Then, he completely turns around, turning his devilish smirk, into a completely jovial and grateful face.

"Really? You'd do that?" Otis asks acting surprised, "Th-thank you. TH-THANK YOU!!! You three totally rock!"

Otis then runs up to them limping, at full speed, with his long tongue flapping in the wind. The mutt then jumps up on Shrek, almost causing the ogre to tip over, but manages to keep his balance. Otis starting licking Shrek's faces with his long, pink tongue, coating thick, runny saliva all over the ogre's green face, much to his dismay.

"EWWWWW!!!" Shrek exclaims disgusted, and pushes him off, "Enough already! Look! Don't expect it's gonna be forever, 'cause it's not! It's only for a couple of days! Okay!"

Otis gives the angry ogre a salute sign, and nods affirmatively. The four then continue on home. While walking, Donkey talks to Otis, "By the way, my name's Donkey. The cat is Puss in Boots, and the big green guy is Shrek."

"Shrek?" Otis replies, sounding revolted by that name, "Pfft, no wonder he has anger issues."

Puss looks at Shrek, and sighs sadly, shaking his head in disappointment. Meanwhile, Shrek was thinking reluctantly, "Did I do the right thing?"

* * *

Then the movie pauses, and the silhouettes of Donkey, Puss, and Otis appear. 

"Well, wadja' think?" Otis asks smoothly, "I bet you all think I'm a freakin' sweet singer now."

"Grr, to think I'll ever forgive you, for doing something so stupid, terrible, and---" Puss growls angrily at Otis,

**A/N: Um, hey guys… can I take it from here?**

"Huh? Oh sure JennaWrites," Donkey replies.

**Thanks. So what do all think about this chapter? I have to be honest, but this chapter is probably my most favorites and the one I'm most proud of. It took me days to write it! "What's New Pussycat" was by Tom Jones. Also, I an interesting fact you'll probably want to know, the reason why I became up with this fanfic is because of a recent "The Simpsons" episode. (Yes, I know the recent episodes do usually suck, but I keep an eye out for good new ones). You see, in the episode "Husbands and Knives", Jack Black guest stars in it. And in the episode, he sings the Korean version (I'm not sure way not the English version) of "What's New Pussycat". So that gave me inspiration for this fanfic, and mostly… Otis! So if you really like Otis, don't thank me. Thank Matt Groening (The creator of the simpsons) and Jack Black. Please review!**


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